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CHAPTER NINETEEN
ENDER
“Hey. Come on. Wake up.”
I jerk awake, dragged out of that dream as I shove myself up and immediately lose my balance when the world shifts around me. Somehow, Mads catches me before I crash to the ground.
“Hey, it’s okay. Are you okay? I’m here,” he says, voice soft. “Easy there. I think we were both down for a minute after that.”
I don’t remember passing out. I just remember…
I turn and look at the debris that’s left of the building we’d been held in, the building I’d done everything I could to get us away from and the same one Mads had chosen to take us back to. The far end is still standing, but everything near us is nothing but rubble and bodies.
“We need to get the keys for one of these vehicles. Abel wasn’t among those who attacked us, so I don’t know if he’s heading here right now or what. And I’m sure others heard the explosion and will be here shortly. You okay to help?”
“Yeah,” I say, honestly a bit confused by what happened. I feel like my head is fuzzy and I can’t tell if that’s contributing to it or what. I push myself up and discover that while I still feel like death, that horrible pain in my shoulder has significantly lessened. Did whatever Mads inject me with actually work? I guess if it was going to kill me, it would have killed me by now and wouldn’t make me feel better.
There’s a touch on my face that startles me, and my attention snaps back to Mads.
“You okay? If you’re not feeling well, just sit and watch my back.” I realize he’s wiping blood off my cheek.
“I’m fine,” I assure him, positive that the last thing I’m going to do is sit here and wait for Abel to show up.
“Okay. Thank you for coming back in and saving me,” he says. “That was really kind of you.”
I look at him skeptically as I consider whether or not what I did was really “saving” him. Honestly, if half of the place hadn’t exploded, they probably would have beaten me down before I even got a chance to do anything. “Let’s get these keys and get out of here.”
“On it,” he says as he hurries into the wreckage. I follow him before my attention is drawn over to the vampires. I kneel down and examine the one nearest me. He’s writhing on the ground, not healing at all as he moans in pain. Slowly, I walk over to the ones closer to the epicenter of the explosion. The ones nearest to it definitely aren’t even alive. There aren’t many of them, only a few, but every single person who was hit by it hasn’t gotten up.
There are vampires out farther than we’d been, but the blast appears to have hit them far worse than it hit me or Mads.
I look over at Mads, who isn’t sparing a glance at the vampires, apparently not confused by what’s happening to them in the slightest. He also doesn’t seem to have any fear that one is going to jump up and attack him. He knows none of them are getting up anytime soon.
“Found a key! I hope it’s to a car that’s fast and can get us the hell out of here,” he says before turning and seeing me standing among the wreckage. His excitement over the key quickly falls, and instead, he just watches me for a long moment.
Finally, he settles on saying, “You’re going to make me blush, staring at me this long.”
“You told me you didn’t kill those people that night I met you near the pier.”
“Sometimes… people have to die… but they were trying to lure you and the VRC in. I found drugs in one of their pockets proving that they wanted to get rid of you all at once,” Mads says, tearing his eyes from me. “Let’s go.”
I follow him as he walks past the bodies and out toward the parking area. One of the vampires is begging to be helped and I debate drinking from him, but Mads shakes his head.
“Don’t consume their blood, trust me. Now let’s go.”
I trail after him out to the car that unlocks with the key he holds. Before he gets in, I reach over to his wrists, feeling strong enough that I manage to break the cuffs at the hinges. He rubs his wrist and smiles at me.
“Thank you.”
“Yeah…”
Mads gets into the car and turns it on as I get settled in the passenger seat. He begins driving, the car moving us much faster than we were going when I was half dead, lost, and carrying him.
“Did you create the drug that’s killing vampires? The one that wiped out half of the council?” I ask.
“Yes.”
I’m honestly surprised how willing he was to give me that information. “Why?”
“Because I wanted to kill some vampires, why else?” He says it nonchalantly, but the way his body tenses tells me he’s not as indifferent as he’s pretending to be.
I notice his grip tightens on the steering wheel and his eyes are fixated in front of him. Admittedly, I’m not the best at reading people, but while I haven’t known him long, I do know Mads isn’t much of a killer.
“You created something that could wipe out the entire population of vampires. It could destroy all vampires. Maybe true vampires would make it out alive, but those who aren’t or those who are younger or weaker couldn’t. What a terrifying thing you’ve chosen to bring into this world.”
Mads is quiet as he drives. I didn’t know the man could be knocked down to silence, but he doesn’t seem to know what to say in response to that.
“The funny thing is that I was created to do the very same thing,” I admit as I lean back in my seat and close my eyes. “A monster made to kill vampires.”
The car keeps moving and my body aches for sleep, but the last thing I want to do is close my eyes and be tossed back into the world where the only thing in it is Abel. I suffered long enough; why do I have to suffer during my sleeping hours too?
“I… don’t want to kill everyone,” Mads says, drawing my attention. “I just wanted… do you know how impossible it’d be to kill vampires as a human?”
“Obviously. I’ve killed humans. Most of them don’t have the ability to do anything against a vampire.”
“I just wanted to make them pay. I never expected to be betrayed… I never expected it to get out. And isn’t that stupid? I’m smart… at least I like to think I am. And still I had the confidence that I would never let it fall into the wrong hands. But that’s hilarious, isn’t it? I’m over here having to create a drug to kill vampires because I’m too weak, yet convinced I can protect the knowledge I’ve brought into the world?”
“So Abel knows and he wants you to show him the secret to it.”
“Seems like it.”
“How would he know about you?”
“The only way is if the person I was making it with told them or told someone my name and it got back to Abel.”
“Who is that?”
“A man named Patrick Grady. We worked together for a short while. He studied under me when I was a chemistry professor and he had a sob story to get what he wanted. I thought his sorrows were genuine… hell… maybe some were. But he lied about his intentions.”
“Grady… why’s that name sound familiar?”
“He’s the man who created the drug that drove vampires to attack humans. I’m sure you heard about him releasing it during a concert, which caused all of the vampires to attack the humans. He wanted to show the world that vampires shouldn’t be trusted, cause turmoil between them and humans, and then gain followers who were willing to eradicate them. He only got so far before the VRC shut him down. He was arrested… or at least that’s what they say happened to him. Oddly enough, it seems like someone from the US council was in charge of what happened to him before he completely disappeared from all records. No one from our side knows what is going on with him.”
“So you’re trying to find him?”
“My boss is. If I find him, my only plan is to keep him from ever mentioning my name again. Maybe I’ll even beat him up for the shit he put me through.”
I raise an eyebrow. “You will beat him up?”
“I can fuck up a man if needed,” Mads says, like he honestly thinks I would believe any part of that.
“Uh-huh. Sure. Who is your boss?”
“A vampire named Vivian. I play the role she wants me to play in exchange for her getting me into the council. She has me trying to regain control of the drug that I created, while looking for Grady who has to be the one who has spread information about it. On the council’s side, I’m playing the role of a happy-go-lucky man who is supposed to convince others that the best outcome is for Callum to gain control. Personally, I’m only here to kill the people I made that drug for, the ones who slaughtered my entire family and left me alive for some sick fun.”
“Is that what you used on them back there with the explosion?”
“Yes… sort of. It wasn’t strong enough to kill a full room of vampires like what was used at the council. I do want to add that I did not kill the US council members. I don’t know who did. But the explosion back there actually had two parts. First was the drug that stunts the ability to heal so when the explosion went off, they couldn’t heal or recover from it.”
“Why didn’t it affect me? I was closer to the blast than some of people who couldn’t even get up.”
“Because the antidote I injected you with is the same one you’d use for either the bullet or the powder form of the poison.”
“If this Grady person is already telling them how to make it, why would Abel want you? Obviously, they have the ammunition and know how to make it and modify it. Does Grady know how to make the drug?”
“Grady knows how to make a diluted version of it, which is what I used back there. The drug I created is a powder that is significantly more lethal, but I never shared that information with Grady. What is used inside the ammunition has to find its way into the body to be lethal and can take minutes to kill instead of seconds like the powder I created. I… honestly don’t know how Abel obtained it, and I promise that’s not a lie. Maybe Abel acquired the ammunition but not the knowledge of how to make it. With Grady having been arrested, this ammunition could have been something he made before the VRC shut his operation down.”
“So Grady doesn’t know how to make the more lethal powder you created?”
“I don’t believe so, unless he figured it out after leaving me. He stole some that I’d made but wasn’t able to find my research about how to create it. You’d have to ask him that, assuming you can find him. I know he was there for parts of it, but I pulled back when I realized what he was doing.”
“So if the more potent powder was what presumably was used to kill people, like the council members, what kept anyone from seeing it?”
“The powder is clear and extremely fine to the point that it’s nearly undetectable, and within minutes its potency is gone.”
I ponder this for a bit. “Who killed your family?”
“I don’t know. Funny, huh? I went to all of this work to kill them, and I don’t even know who did it. I hoped joining the council would lead me to them, but I don’t know what that’s led me to beyond the bullshit that ended with me here.”
“How long ago did they die?”
“Four years ago.”
I still as this settles. “How long have you been a vampire?”
Mads laughs as he realizes why I look so startled. “Nearly two years.”
“Fucking hell, no wonder you’re so damn slow.”
“Thank you. Thank you.”
“How are you functioning so well? The sun should still be bothering you at this point, but you walk out in it with no issues and barely any protection.”
“Science.”
My eyebrow quirks at that. “You created something that allows you to walk out in the sun with no issues and you haven’t sold it? You could be a millionaire.”
“I didn’t want to draw attention to myself.”
“You’ve done a good job at that. No one seems to take you seriously.”
Mads glances over at me with a grin. “You didn’t either when you met me. I’m over here creating a drug of mass extinction and they’re like, ‘Mads is a fool.’ The foolish part was trusting Grady. I really, truly never meant for it to get out. No, I didn’t like vampires. Honestly, I hated them and four years ago, if you’d have asked me, maybe I would have loved the idea of killing them all. But that was wrong of me. I know not all vampires are like the ones who killed my family. It’s just… sometimes hard when vampires pretend to be superior to everyone else and instead of remorse after what happened to my family, it was swept under the rug because they wanted to keep it quiet that vampires had done it. It’s like they can’t just care for someone or be nice to someone. They want to bully everyone into seeing things their way. It’s frustrating how vampires often treat those who are younger than them. And then there’s you… the man who treats everyone the same, whether they’re young or ancient.”
“Thank you,” I say, perfectly content with the way I treat everyone.
“You’re welcome. So… now that you know my secrets, let me hear it. How much do you hate me?”
“My opinion of you really hasn’t changed much,” I assure him.
Mads laughs. “I mean… I guess that’s better than hating me even more.”
I realize he thinks that means I still don’t like him. I… honestly don’t know what I think of him, but I’ll leave him to believe whatever he wants. “It sounds like Abel is still wanting the same thing he wanted back then—complete control over the vampires who are still alive.”
“You said that you were made for the same reason… so you were made to kill vampires? You aren’t just different in that you can feed off vampires, you were specifically made to do so?”
Why did I even say anything at all? “I don’t feel like talking about me.”
“So I had to spill everything and you get to stay silent?”
“Correct.”
Mads sighs. “Of course. I should have known I wasn’t going to win this.”
“Nope.”
He just laughs. “That’s fine. You can tell me when you’re ready. Just… don’t hate me. Sometimes I want to be someone others care about or would even notice if I died.”
I stare at him. “You’re wanting me, the person who everyone despises because I’ve been dubbed a monster for hundreds of years, to care about you?”
“Is that too much to ask?”
“It’s a pretty big ask,” I say.
“But like… we can just be monsters together,” Mads decides. “How about it? Will you be my monster?”
“I’m not sure what I’d be agreeing to by saying yes, so I will definitely be saying no.”
“Live a little.”
“Weirdly, I’ve been living a lot lately even when I struggle to do so.”
“We should date.”
My face scrunches up at that one. “We should not! What makes you feel like we’ve gotten that close?”
“Death always brings people together.”
“Trust me. I’ve seen a lot of death, and it usually pushes me apart from others,” I say.
“Yeah, when you’re trying to kill the other person! But in this case we were… wait… you tried killing me too… hmm… I can see why you’re suspicious, but if we just momentarily forget about that, it was everything else that drew us together.”
“I don’t think you should forgive me for that so easily.”
“You saw my ass; I saw the way you cuddled me when I carried you.”
“None of that happened.”
“You saw my naked and unconscious body, and I saw the way you shielded me with your body during the explosion.”
“I tripped on you. None of it was on purpose.”
“You didn’t trip! You shielded me. If that’s not romance, I don’t know what is. Do you think Rylee will call me Papa? Or are you Papa? If so, I’m fine being Dad or Father.”
“I’m going back to playing dead,” I decide.
Mads just laughs as I close my eyes and pretend I’m asleep. Honestly, sleep is the very last thing I want. I would put up with his delusions before I’d ever go back to sleep, but I need some time to think. Maybe I can simply think this through and protect Rylee, kill Abel, and go about my day.
“Is Abel a true vampire?” Mads asks.
“I’m sleeping.”
“You want to kill him, right? Are you fast enough? If everyone fears you and not him, is it because they don’t know what or who he is? Or is it because you’re stronger than him? Or is it because tales spread, along with dramatized renditions of what really happened? Ender… are you a dramatized rendition?”
“I’m sleeping.”
“You’re really quite obviously not. I’m just saying that your new boyfriend is a mad scientist and would love to help you on your journey of assassinating a creepy vampire,” Mads says.
I glance over at him. “We are not dating.”
“Oh! You were awake. Did you hear that? How embarrassing. Just a little fantasy of mine.”
“You’re clearly just doing it to harass me,” I say, but the other nonsense he spoke about does snag my attention. For so much of my life, I’ve dreamed about killing Abel with my own hands, but he’s always had a hold on me. Thankfully, the hold has lessened as I’ve gotten older, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other ways to take control of the situation.
I look over at the man who has his eyes on the road as he pushes the car as fast as it can take the turns out of this hell. He has the ability to possibly kill true vampires. He could destroy any vampire he ever wanted to. He could eradicate this whole world of vampires if he chose to.
“Abel deserves to suffer,” I say.
“Drawing out a death does nothing but give things more time to fuck up,” Mads counters. “The reason the drug works so well is because it’s quick and gives absolutely no time for the recovery that the vampire’s body is generally capable of.”
“I want to kill everyone he’s ever cared about. I want to drive him fucking mad. I want to tear him apart piece by fucking piece. I want to hear him beg and sob. And I want to watch him slowly die as he begs for it.”
Mads slows the car to take a turn. “Doing any of that won’t release you of what you’ve gone through⁠—”
“You know nothing about me,” I snarl.
“You have someone waiting at home for you. The sooner you finish this, the sooner you can restart and enjoy a life without this monster in it. It’s only been four years that my mind has been haunted by my monsters; I can’t fathom how long it’s been for you. Kill him quickly and end it.”
I close my eyes again.
“Pretending to go to sleep solves nothing,” Mads says, making me open them.
“Because when I’m awake you do nothing but spout nonsense.”
“Destroy my monster and I’ll destroy yours.”
They’re tantalizing words, but I shake my head. “I want to kill Abel with my own two hands.”
Mads is quiet for a moment before merely saying, “Okay.”
Fuck.
I close my eyes again but all I find is my mind wandering back to that small box Abel used to torture me; the darkness that consumes me and threatens to tear me under where I’ll never be able to find my way out. Hastily, I open my eyes and am startled when I feel Mads’s hand on my thigh. He doesn’t say anything, he just gives it a gentle squeeze. I don’t know what exactly he thinks he’s doing or what he thinks this touch does.
I want to tell him to remove it, but instead, I’m stuck staring at it. My mind drifts back to my brother’s comfort and what it felt like to have someone in my life. Someone who cared about me, would take care of me, and was happy to see me. We grew up so close to each other. When he fell in love and got married, he still drew me into his life. He never let me feel alone. And when his daughter was born, he pulled me in more than ever to be a part of her life. I remember the first time I held her. I remember the way she looked at me as she grew older. She thought I was so much neater than I was. She wanted me to teach her everything I knew. Rylee reminds me of her—adoring me for absolutely no reason at all.
And then I killed my brother and because of me, my precious niece’s mother was also ripped out of her life and I never found out what happened to her. I can’t imagine Abel let her live.
I push Mads’s hand off.
“FUCK,” I shout as I grab my head.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I wasn’t thinking,” Mads says, sounding pained.
I hesitate and realize that I feel bad for making him think it was something he did and not because I’m trying to protect him from myself. “How could you possibly think it’s something you did when everything fucked up in my life is because of me?”
“I don’t believe that,” Mads tells me. “From what I’ve seen, it’s apparent that man has fucked with you. I don’t know what he did to you… but you can’t blame yourself. Please, stop blaming yourself. You can go back to pretending you’re asleep. I’ll shut up.”
“You don’t have to shut up,” I say.
“I thought you liked it when I was quiet.”
“I don’t know what I like anymore.”
“Hmm… well… you like drinking my blood.”
“I… I was nearly dying.”
“You liked stripping me.”
“That time you were almost dying.”
“You act like you hate it when I ramble, but it’s the only time you interact freely.”
I sigh at this man who is trying to figure me out. “No.”
Mads looks away from the road and risks destroying the car just to smile at me. I do not smile in return, which annoyingly makes his smile broaden.
“Look at the fucking road before⁠—”
I see a flash of something a moment before it collides with the car. It hits the window and is whipped right off as Mads hits the gas instead of the brakes.
“You just hit a vampire.”
He shakes his head. “I did no such thing.”
“Because you were staring at me. Because you were smiling at me instead of paying attention.”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
I wave toward the cracked windshield. Like is there really any possible way to play it off with the windshield this cracked? “Can you even see out of the windshield now?”
“I can see just fine. Do you need to get your eyes checked? You seem to be seeing things.”
“You literally took the car and drove it into a vampire. That’s what I was seeing! We don’t even know if it was an evil vampire or just some soul walking across the street.”
“I think that you are hearing things.”
“And seeing things? Look at you leaning to the side because you can’t see out of the windshield.”
“I have a crick in my neck from lying on rock in the nude for so long. I’m leaning this way to relieve it.”
“What about the blood?”
He hits the button for the windshield wiper fluid, but the body must have damaged it because no liquid comes out of it. Instead, the windshield wipers begin swiping back and forth as they smear blood across the windshield.
“Weird,” I say.
Mads nods. “That is peculiar. I wonder if we drove through something strange.” He’s having to lean even farther to the right to see past the broken glass and the blood. “I know the issue. It’s because you guys over here are all driving on the wrong side of the road.”
“That’s definitely the problem and not at all the blood.”
“It’s like a snack for you. If you get tired of snacking on me, you simply stick your head out the window and lick away.”
“This is what happens when you don’t watch what you’re doing and are distracted with people.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says.
“Odd.”
“Right?”
I can’t help but laugh, it’s all so ridiculous.
Mads grins at me, looking pleased, like he thinks he’s done a fantastic job instead of just piling so much ridiculous shit on me that I finally snapped.
“I can’t believe you hit that guy. He was obviously planning on attacking us and probably thought you’d at least hit the brakes a little.”
“It was for science.”
“You use that excuse for the strangest things.”
“Thank you.”